The IRS decides to audit Grandpa. They're suspicious. He’s got no steady income, yet somehow, he's living like a king.

They call him in, and Grandpa says, "I'm just a really good gambler." The auditor laughs.

Grandpa grins and asks: "Wanna bet? A thousand bucks I can bite my own eye."

"That's physically impossible,” the agent says.

"Bet?" Grandpa asks again.

The auditor agrees. So, without missing a beat, Grandpa pops out his glass eye — and bites it. The auditor blinks, stunned. Grandpa pockets the cash.

"Double or nothing. I'll bet $2,000 I can bite my other eye,” Grandpa taunts.

Now the auditor's confident. "I just saw your other eye. You're not blind,” he says.

"Bet?" Grandpa asks.

"Bet,” the agent replies.

Grandpa smiles, pulls out his dentures — and bites his good eye. The auditor just stares. He's now out $3,000, and Grandpa's sitting there like he's just warming up.

"Alright," Grandpa says, "last one. Six thousand bucks says I can stand on this side of your desk and pee into that trashcan on that side — without hitting anything else."

The auditor laughs. "Deal,” he says.

Grandpa steps back, aims — and totally fails. Grandpa pees all over the desk, the chair, the floor — everywhere but the wastebasket.

The auditor leaps with joy, yelling: "Finally! You lost!"

But over in the corner, Grandpa's attorney just buries his face in his hands.

"What's wrong with him?" the auditor asks. 

The lawyer groans, then explains: "This morning, Grandpa bet me $25,000 he'd walk in here, pee all over your desk — and you'd be happy about it."

• Thanks to Jan McCallum, who discovered this joke on Facebook.

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